do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
