Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
