His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
