your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
