3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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