she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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