yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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