Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I am spending my child support on dildos

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(319): View more from Iowa

I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles

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(915): View more from Texas

I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic

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(914): View more from New York

explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?

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(409): View more from Texas

We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.

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(229): View more from Georgia

I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.

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(614): View more from Ohio

His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis

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