even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
