Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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