My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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