Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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