I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
