I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
