Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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