Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
