No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize