dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
