woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
