HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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