I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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