dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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