I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
