wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
