i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
