i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
