Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
