Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
