watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
