Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
