I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
