So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
