i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
