I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
