What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
