I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
