I hate all girls vehemently.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
