guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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