Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize