a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
