Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
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