I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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