When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize