I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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