Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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