Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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