Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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