I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
