Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just pynch a tree in the face
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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