i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
