the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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