We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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