I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
