my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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