Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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