Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
