i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
