Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
