But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
These tits shall not be calmed
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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