So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize