So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
