The maid of honor just puked.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
