I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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