there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
