My hand turned me down
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
