I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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