what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
