three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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