I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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