Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize