proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
is it fun? or sober?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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