There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
