you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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