i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
