I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
well, you know. whores of a feather.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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