You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
